the_hurtprocess' Journal

update
reeto this is gonna look messy as fook but........

wtf!!!
10th December 2004 1:05am
wot the hell is goin on!!! this is well wierd my x's are suddenly being very nice to me and sayin things i didn't think they would!!??!! are they plotting against me??? hmmm

5th December 2004 7:08pm
well what a couple of weeks it has certainly been i feel like i'm left in the void floating between two seperate realities, i went home last weekend to find out my father has 'life threatening' cancer and then my great grandma was taken to hospital and isn't well at all, went to a gig last night with jen and some of her friends we hardly uttered a word to each other which sucked and now she probs thinks i was lieing to her cos i sed i was leaving then my friends were in thee so i hung around, didn't want to go over and say nethin to her cos the next time i saw her had drank a wee bit too much, damn friends buying me drinks, this all kinda sucks my head feels like its bein ripped apart it all hurts after 12 years of no contact with my father i find out he could die, how am i supposed to feel? its not as if i can discuss it with my parents, i love my step dad and wish he was my real dad as he has always been there for me, but i can't just start talkin to him about my father i kno he doesn't like it and it upsets him i don't kno what to do nemore it feels like i don't have ne1 to talk to about it, no one really understands whats gone on, and its worse when you try and talk to someone about it and they tell you they understand. how the fuck can you understand you come from a fucking perfect family never had ne fucking problems apart from maybe you got a b in an exam or summat small and pathetic like tht mood // crappy
music // bily talent line and sinker

25th November 2004 12:55am
ooo god i'm wasted.........

why do you always go to far
push the barriers that bit too high
you turn your back and walk away
you've done it all the same again

was it worth the pain,
the fear, the fall
the glisten in your eyes, the ecstacy
and i'm left falling again

23rd November 2004 3:49am
right how the fuck does this happen i go from havin a girlfriend to not knowing where i stand or what the hell is goin on, just found out em went out for a drink with some random guy she met at rock city on saturday, does tht mean she wasn't answering my txts cs she was with him? can't she just tell me whats goin on i'm sick of this now this always seems to happen and i can't control it, ever felt tht some unseen force is dragging you along and your helpless to change course or drag yourself out of it, i just simply don't kno whats going on...everything is fucked beyond belief

==--~~You said you read me like a book, but the pages are all torn and frayed~~--== mood // confused
music // incubus, talk shows on mute

22nd November 2004 1:38am
"what a difference a day makes" ..... hmm yeah erm don't really kno what to say apart from last night was ace..... how do i broach the subject? its not as if i can just drop it into a casual conversation...its not even as if we talk much... mood // artistic
music // the bronx-strobe life, tat- peace sex and tea

fuck it cut the cord
15th November 2004 5:48am
hey y'all woo just got back from wales.......surprisingly they don't all look like pancho lol i found a really good book as well called how to be a complete bitch i was gonna buy it but i guess tht person don't need it lol argh wish i could sleep :( ah well get to see mily tomoro :D catch y'all later \m/ rock \m/:P mood // contemplative
music // the starting line best of me

f|_|ck it
31st October 2004 11:06pm
ever got the feeling your not getting the whole truth..............

31st October 2004 6:47pm
just got back down to nottingha after the most intense week of partying i'v ever had was sooo cool bit gutted to leave all my family behind but i'll get over it..................last night was a bit of a let down to be honest burlesque was shit :|

29th October 2004 1:35pm
oh my god my head hurts.......been home for 3 days been out everynight its good to be back on teeside for a couple of days nottingham was becoming very repetative and generally sucky lol ah well goto go back down in a few days hopefully things will look up

The sun shining,
The gleam in your eye,
Your beautiful face,
Your beautiful face.
I heald her tight,
Close to my heart,
I didn't know it would break,
I didn't know it would break.

I don't believe there's a love anymore,
It's all inside.
We always said its forever in this beautiful life.
Do do do do do do do do do do do do do

And I'll try not to feel this music's for you...
and over HEY
and over HEY
and over HEY
and I'll try not to feel this musics for you...
and over HEY
and over HEY
and over HEY

I heald her tight,
Close to my heart.
Didn't know it would break.
I didn't know it would break.

I don't believe there's a love anymore,
Its all inside.
We always said its forever in this beautiful life...

And I'll try not to feel this music's for you...
and over HEY
and over HEY
and over HEY
and I'll try not to feel this music's for you...
and over HEY

Its alright,
Its alright,
Its alright,
Its alright ALRIGHT mood // mellow

28th October 2004 1:37pm
hey y'all lol ne1 readthis yet probs not but oh well shit happens ey
read 3 comments // comment
25th October 2004 11:03pm
As for now I'm gonna hear the saddest songs,
and sit alone and wonder,
how you're making out,

well...........
25th October 2004 10:46pm
well. ....... tht was interesting i can honestly say i never thought i wouldbe this gutted about something as short as a month long relationship but i am cos to be honest i thought she was perfect and had such a good laugh when i was with her.....i'v just discovered two of the hardest ever things to do.....control your face when it feels like someone has just slapped you with their words to try not to let it show tht ou are bothered and generally just taking bad news on the chin.....this sux ...sorry i sound like a 13 yr old girl tht has just been dumped after her first serious relationship ......i'll shut up now thank you and goodnight mood // disappointed
music // new found glory - failures not flattering

......mer
23rd October 2004 8:40am
well what can i say another day another dollar.......ain't slept in 30 hours :D should really try to catch up on it lol i don't really kno why i am writing this cos no one ever reads this bollox...havin an online journal is such an emo thing to do lol

good...bad? fucked up
20th October 2004 12:48am
hey hey hey well this is my first post since i ain't able to find the one transferred from my ujournal guess i got a lot of catchin up to do now in nottingham lots of partying and other things :D shiby,

So quiet another wasted night,
the television steals the conversation
exhale,
another wasted breath,
again it goes unnoticed.

Please tell me you're just feeling tired
cause if it's more than that I feel that I might break
out of touch, out of time.
Please send me anything but signals that are mixed
cause I can't read your rolling eyes
out of touch, are we out of time?

Close lipped
another goodnight kiss
is robbed of all it's passion,
your grip
another time, is slack
it leaves me feeling empty.

I'll wait until tomorrow
maybe you'll feel better then
maybe we'll be better then
so what's another day
when I can't bear these nights of thoughts
of going on without you
this mood of yours is temporary
it seems worth the wait
to see your smile again
out of the corner of your eye
won't be the only way you'll look at me then.